How To 1: Build an Appropriate Self Image

This is strictly speaking from my experience.  There is very little science here only self observations and things I've done that have radically improved my life.

Self Image
Self image is the way you view yourself, the way you imagine yourself.  "How do I look in other people's eyes?" is the question most associated with self image.  It affects everything about us, from our attitude, the language we use, to our performance in activities.  Every single thing we do affects and is affected by our self image.  If a person has an appropriate self image this can be very constructive and can lead to progress in life and a building confidence level.  An inappropriate self image (either too high or too low on yourself) can be very detrimental.  This is associated to the phrase "The first step is admitting there is a problem."  If you can't be honest with yourself about yourself then your chances of progressing as a human being are very slim indeed.

Too Low Self Image
A self image that is too low on yourself causes problems such as obesity, laziness, and depression.  Low self image is usually caused by someone developing a new problem and not facing it head on.  This leads to having negative thoughts about yourself and ruins your relationships with others.

Too High Self Image
A self image that is too high on yourself causes problems such as looking down on people, gloating and showboating, eating disorders (can also be caused by too low of a self image), and general dis-respectfulness.  These problems manifest from childhood and eventually leave these people friendless (though they can't figure out why) and depressed when someone finally proves to them that they are not the shit.

Appropriate Self Image
An appropriate self image is achievable by every person.  Holding yourself in the correct esteem and respecting yourself is the most important steps to achieve this goal.  Speaking of goals, I feel goals and self image go hand in hand.  Without goals, achieving an appropriate self image is very difficult.  For example, when I finally decided it was time to stop being down on myself and to change my life, I made a list of goals I wanted to accomplish.  I wanted to lose 90 lbs (down 65 so far!) and I wanted to become a better person to my loved ones (more respectful, helpful and positive).  I also wanted to do better in my classes.  So how was I going to accomplish these goals?  I decided I needed to improve my self image, since then:  Losing weight has been easy, I'm closer to my family than ever (perhaps it was too late to save my friendships?), and I've been able to focus and complete all my assignments for college.

So how did I improve my self image?  Well I've summarized what I did in these steps:

1. Be Honest With Yourself.  Ultimately, you're responsible for improving yourself so here's where it starts.  You need to identify SERIOUS areas of yourself that need improving.  Don't sweat the small stuff so much just worry about the important stuff.  I'm thinking:  family, work, school, weight control, and drugs.  If you're over weight:  admit it.  Tell yourself you've gained a few pounds, if it's more than a few tell yourself that too.  Look at yourself, naked, in a mirror.  This is how you look to the world.  This is how you look to yourself now.  It's not a good feeling but come out of your cage.  I call this feeling a revelation.  I knew I was overweight for a while, but I didn't realize I was until it was too late.  I was too high on myself.  Then I had a revelation.  My whole life was to change.  After you realize what your problems are and how you feel about them they are very easy to improve upon.
2. Identify Areas For Improvement.  Areas for improvement need to be important to you.  I'm not talking about fluffy stuff here.  Typical areas of improvement are:  Working on your marriage, becoming more independent, becoming more respectful to yourself and others, giving back, time management, weight loss and changing a personality trait (shyness is a good example of a personality trait one would like to change).  After you have identified your areas for improvement hold onto that list.  We will need it later.
3. Identify What You're Good At.  This is the opposite of the previous list.  What are you good at?  I'm talking about anything now.  If you're good at basketball, write it down.  If you're a good problem solver, write that down too.  Anything that you feel like you're good at.  This doesn't mean you feel like you're the best at these tasks.  Just areas of your life you feel comfortable at.  Some examples from my life:  I'm a fast learner, great listener, positive mindset, helpful, and active.  I wasn't always good at these qualities, I developed them.  This list is important.  If you're following this and you say "but Steve, I'm not good at anything" then write down modesty because everyone is good at something.  If you're "not good" at anything your self image is really low and it's time to go back to step 1.
4. Now, Identify Yourself.  This is where your new self image is formed.  State yourself with the lists from step 2 and step 3.  I'm Steve, I'm good at learning, listening, being positive, helpful and active.  I'm still working on my weight loss and being less shy.  Here I have stated my good and bad qualities in a positive light.  You have now identified your areas for improvement with your self image.  Now, you're on the path to fulfilling your goals.
5. Dynamic Self Image.  When you first develop and face your self image, it will change a lot.  Every day you should think about your self image.  What have you done to improve yourself today.  If you're trying to lose weight:  were you active today?  be honest.  Improving yourself isn't a day to day ordeal, but at the beginning it's very important to check yourself and make sure you're heading in the right direction.  Remember there is no better time than today to correct the mistakes of your past.
6. Set Your Goals.  In step 4 you identified areas that you're working on.  Now it's time to set goals that will accomplish these.  If you're trying to lose weight:  how much weight, how often will you exercise, what exercises, when will you exercise, what changes will you make to your diet?  Set your goals and remember they are goals to be pursued.  You can never finish the best of goals.  For example:  I set the goal of exercising every day.  Later I changed this to exercising everyday for at least 1 hour.  Now you can see I will never fulfill this until the day I die, but it does make me feel exponentially better about myself every time I get out to the basketball court or go for a run.  I know that I am affirming my self image of improving on my weight.  Also your goals do not need to be written in goal form.  For example:  be a better friend.  This is a goal, however it doesn't really follow the format of a goal in having a clear procedure for success.  But if you hold this goal in mind, every night ask yourself if you did anything today that made you a better friend.  Notice the small things you do for your loved ones, how has this been changing over the past couple of months since I've been putting forth the effort?  The changes are gradual, but upon reflection over the period of months or years sizable impacts can be measured.
7. Be Honest With Yourself.  At one point in my life I was DISGUSTED by myself.  I was a sloth just slothing about.  I held very little responsibilities and the ones I did have I often failed.  I was failing in college after a very successful beginning.  These problems were a manifestation of having too high of a self image.  I lost my girlfriend of four years, I lost all my money, I lost almost all of my friends.  It's still really hard to talk about.  It would have been really easy for me to just blame everyone else.  Blame the world, blame my ex, blame this that or the other.  At first I did blame things.  I blamed my weight, I blamed depression, I blamed my ex for just giving up on me.  That was wrong.  It wasn't until I was honest with myself that I realized just how bad I had become.  Nobody wants to be like that.  It's really a terrible feeling.  I was so disgusted with myself that I vomited.  I wanted to tear my skin off, where was I in this sloth of a prison?  Why had I laid dormant for all this time.  I can't really answer that question, all I know is that by being honest with myself I was able to pull myself out of a really hard time of my life with flying colors.  I always smile now, I'm exercising all the time, I'm trying really hard to be a good son, brother, cousin, grandson, uncle, ect.., I'm still working on developing better friendships, I'm holding responsibilities and completing them easily.  I'm so sorry to those I hurt then, and I'm working everyday to be a better man and be able to someday make it up.  I don't want to go very much further just know that being honest with myself effectively saved my life. 

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